If you’re in a new sexual or intimate relationship, you’re probably talking about sex. You’re telling your new partner what you like, want, and expect.
But what if you’re in a long-term relationship or marriage, and you can’t even remember the last time you talked about sex? Sometimes, it’s harder to talk about sex with a long-term partner than with someone you’re just getting to know.
Here are three reasons it may be hard to talk about sex with your long-term partner or spouse and three tips to make talking about sex with them easier.
Why It’s Hard to Talk about Sex
Sex is personal.
Talking about sex requires self-disclosure and vulnerability. You may be worried that your partner will think your fantasies are weird. You may fear rejection from your partner. You may be concerned about hurting your partner’s feelings if you tell them you don’t really love that thing they always do during foreplay.
No one taught you how to talk about sex.
Many of us were taught that talking about sex and our bodies is shameful and taboo. Most of us were not given the language and skills to talk about sex, so it’s no wonder we feel uncomfortable or awkward when we discuss sex with our partners.
The outcome is unknown.
Talking about sex with your partner sometimes means going into uncharted territory. You can’t predict your partner’s response when you share your sexual turn-ons and turn-offs. You don’t know what they will say if you tell them about the kinky thing you want them to do (or not do) with you.
Tips to Make Talking About Sex Easier
Choose the right time and place.
Sex talks are intimate, and they’re often charged. So, make sure you and your partner won’t be rushed or interrupted. Bring up sex when you are both relaxed and can focus on each other. It may seem counterintuitive but talking about sex during sex is usually not a good idea.
Dip your toe in slowly.
You don’t have to jump into the deep end first. Test the waters together. Especially if it’s been a while since you had a conversation about sex, start with the things you love about your relationship and sex life. Tell your partner about the things they already do that turn you on. Ease your way into the deeper stuff.
Listen to them.
Ask them questions and get curious about what they really want. Hear what they have to say. Drop your assumptions. Stay open-minded. Be compassionate. Keep your positive regard for each other. If you feel yourself or your partner getting defensive or overwhelmed, just take a break.
Talking about sex may not always be easy or romantic, but with practice, it gets better – way better. And talking about sex with your partner is sure to make your sex life richer and more fulfilling.
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